there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That accounts for only three of the penises
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
