My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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