My liver just broke up with me...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
