and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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