$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
