A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
