I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
