it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
