xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
