Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
