YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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