The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
