I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
