I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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