Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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