I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
