Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
