haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
