Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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