Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
