You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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