the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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