bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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