Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
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You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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