I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
