it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
