Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He kissed a someone with a penis
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
