White coat. Heels.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
