woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
