The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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