Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
