ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
