If i come over, it means nothing
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
