I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Come share oat with me in your robe
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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