FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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