i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
