Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
