I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
