is your mom at the bar?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
