Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I could make wine with my vomit
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
