My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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