we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
