He uses pillows to masturbate.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
