just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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