Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
be right there i have to get my cape
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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