He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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