mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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