shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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