I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize