when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
