you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
