i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
