Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
