I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
