I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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