Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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