she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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