Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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