I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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