I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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