Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
