i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
