well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
