it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
