I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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