9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
