His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
