i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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