I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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