The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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