I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
