you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
