spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
