You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
