Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
