see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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