the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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