Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Your cock deserves a montage
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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