the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
