Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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