you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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