literally had 100 drinks last night.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
