she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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