Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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