what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
