Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
